24 weeks

For the passed 24 weeks we have been trying to get our minds and house ready for two little boys, we have been offered tons of support and now we Heavenly Father has a new plan for us. For the past few days I knew something wasn't right. I started contracting a lot on Monday pretty regularly but it didn't hurt. Tuesday night it was still continuing but now it was hurting a little. I checked myself in to Labor and Delivery and they checked an FFN, it was negative and then it was the search for the babies. They spent over an hour with the monitors trying to find both babies. They found one baby really easily and then continued to search for the other. Not really sure whether they got both on they called to see if they needed an ultrasound but settling for one on the monitor and one on doppler. (Not knowing that it was the same baby).

I was hoping I would never have to do a post about something like this. I have tried to stop crying but my eyes continue to leak. Yesterday Timmy and I had our 24 week appointment. I have been so excited for this moment, where our boys would be viable for life. Our doctor was out of town so we went to see Dr. Ott. The first thing they did was weigh me and then we waited for the ultrasound, We saw our happy baby B moving all around and his measurements were great. As he moved on to baby A he looked so squished in the corner you could hardly see his body at all just his sweet face. Dr. Ott could not find a heart beat.

He sent us over to MFM to see Dr. Jackson. I really liked him and he made me feel really comfortable with all that was going on. Explained a lot and listened. They looked at our baby A and nothing really looked wrong, he was measuring about 23 weeks and 3 days, my placenta looked good and there was still a good amount of fluid. They couldn't give me a reason our sweet baby boy didn't make it. With a singleton pregnancy at this time they would have sent us to labor and delivery to get induced at we would get to say goodbyes to this little guy. They looked at baby B very closely and measured everything there was to measure. His heart, brain, everything in his belly, Afi, hands, and feet. Everything looks great they see no reason why I shouldn't deliver him at full term, November 15. They measured my cervix and it was long at 3.23 cm and it was still closed. They want me to watch closely for the next few weeks to make sure my body doesn't try to deliver baby A.

One of the most difficult things was to tell our family. I am so happy that we have such a good support system and I have my husband here to hold my hand and tell me everything is going to be okay, even though I see him hurting too. Coming home was hard, I already have two of most things. Two car seats that Timmy was so excited to install in the car; two cribs, and a double stroller.

Looking back now I realize that I haven't felt movement on the right side very often during my pregnancy. The very first ultrasound we had baby A was the crazy mover and ever since then it has been baby B that has been moving all around.

I don't know why this had to happen, I have run through my mind a million times over trying to think what I could have done differently or if they could have checked me more frequently. It is hard because I want to be happy knowing there is still a living baby inside, it is just weird because I don't really get to say goodbye to the other. It will be such a bitter sweet moment at delivery to have one alive and one passed away.